As of Tuesday, March 3, 2015
LOWELL/SYRINGA — Beware the Ides of March, oh wait that’s next week. This week is the first of March and what a beautiful week of sunshine.
We have the Idaho Department of Fish and Game here for a week or so. They are working on the fish trap on the Lochsa. Seems like they come every year about this time and this year, sun and 50-degree weather. Ron Roberts and his crew go out early and come back late, no parties, no women, that’s the way it is. I found an old article I wrote back in the 80s or 90s poking fun at the Fish and Game. I’ll try to send it with this news.
Top 10 requirements necessary to secure a job as a State of Idaho Fish and Game officer:
Be able to read and understand the fish and game regulations.
Know how to prepare road-killed deer 365 different ways.
Have at least one or more large dogs that you take with you everywhere.
Know at what elevation deer turn into elk.
Have the guts to gouge out the eyes of poachers.
Be sure your legs are skinnier and uglier than Warren Holcomb’s.
Marry someone who has a real job.
Own and look good in green plain pocket Levis.
Be able to determine the sex and time of death of a field-butchered elk.
And the number one requirement necessary to become a Fish and Game officer (drumroll here please)!
- Arrest your mother!
Got a call from ace reporter Andrew Ottoson, Idaho County Free Press, he was looking to see if I knew anyone who saw a “fireball” in the sky last Saturday. Didn’t see it myself, but gave him Mary Parks’ number, she’s the only astrologer I know.
Beware from the mouths of grandchildren. When the little pumpkin heads get a certain age they make sure to keep you on your game, and they are really very observant. It’s very common as you start to go downhill in your old age, for your little guys and gals to let you know if you have any flaws. So today, for a lack of other news, let’s keep an eye on your personal hygiene by some observances lately from my granddaughters:
Gramma, your hair looks kinda orange in the sunshine (needs re-colored) but it’s pretty on you.
Don’t you think that grey hair in your eyebrow needs pulled out? I can do it.
Has that big flab under your arms always hung down like that, I didn’t see it before?
These TV shows are kind of boring, but that’s OK, it’s like watching history.
Don’t you use any salt when you cook? I like it though, it’s different than at home.
Why do you get up on the weekend in the morning when it’s still dark outside?
Your pajamas have a big spot of grease on the front, but then so do mine, we’re twins!
My Dad sez you drive too slow, but we always get there safe.
I hope when I get old I can just sit around all day, after I’m finished high school I mean.
So there it is, take it with a grain of salt, and “Beware of March and Quotes.”